The Slightest Things
by Coconut1214
Summary: Faith visits her shrink, while in Prison. Faith's POV
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Faith or any of the other Buffy and Angel characters mentioned in my story. Joss does.

The Slightest Things

"Sometimes the slightest things change the direction of our lives, the merest breathe of a circumstance, a random movement that connects, like a meteorite striking the earth. Lives have swiveled and changed direction on the strength of a chance remark" The Power of One

Chapter 1

After the first few weeks, they told me I would have to see a Psychiatrist once a week for an hour as part of my Murder rehab. another hour to add my schedule of events. Do they really think they can get a bunch of murders and drug dealers to talk about their feelings with group therapy and shrinks I don't think were much of sharing bunch, we would probably not be here if we were.

So they came in to the rec room at 10:00 on the dot. They placed the handcuffs around my wrists and led me out. I need four guards to watch me, cause they know I'm stronger then I look. They really think that I can't take them all out in seconds them acting all macho. I could easily break all their necks before they had a chance to blink. We walked to a door at the end of hallway I've never been down before. They swiped their key cards and entered the password. The light clicked green and we went in. They led me down a long narrow hallway to door at the end. They knocked and waited.

The door opened and a tall, thin woman with honey-blonde hair, that came to a messy bun at the back of her head stood there. She had these small glasses with brown rims that covered the bluest eye I'd had ever seen. Her skin was deeply tanned and she very fit, she was an attractive woman, What is she doing working at a prison.

She nodded to the guards, who took of my handcuffs, which surprised me. They were going to let me in this room with my hands free. This woman must be crazy, I knew the guards would be standing at the door, but they would never get their quick enough if I did something.

"I'm Dr. Greenway," said the women in pleasantly.

She opened the door wider and motioned for me to walk in. The room was fairly smaller then I expect it to be. It looked nothing like the visitors room. The walls were painted this sky blue color, because I heard blue is supposed to make you feel relaxed and calm. The group therapy room is painted the same color. Don't know if it works, some of the prisoners still get angry in them. There were two green couches in the middle of the room, another color for growth and harmony. The couch looked more comfortable then anything I've sat on since being here. She told me to take a seat. It wasn't the most comfortable couch I've ever sat on but it was better then those plastic chairs in the other rooms. The ones that are cemented into the ground, in case anyone ever gets angry enough to pick it up and throw it at someone. The couches are not cemented in, probably cause they think no one could lift it. I could easily pick it up and throw it across the room. But no bad thoughts, I'm supposed to be good now.

As I sit on the couch, she sits across from me. She pulls out a yellow notebook and a pen crosses her legs. She is wearing this black pant suit with a white shirt underneath she has the jacket buttoned up. She looks very young. Suddenly I get nervous and move to the edge of the couch and place my elbows on my knees and my hands under my chin. I look around the room for a while before saying anything.

"So I don't know what I'm suppose to do here," I ask

"Your free to talk about whatever you want" she says

"So am I supposed to tell you my name, you probably have it in that file you have one me;"

"Do you want to tell me your name?"

"Am I also supposed to tell you what I did to get in here?"

"It's up to you"

"Do you always answer questions, with a question?"

She manages to smile on that one, and she pushes her glasses up with her finger and looks at me with her crystal clear blue eyes.

"You can talk to me about whatever you want"

"So I don't have to talk about what I did"

"Not if you don't want too"

"So I can just not talk at all then"

"If you want to just sit here for an hour and stare at the wall, that's fine with me. I'm just here to listen, whenever you're ready to talk."

I look around the room and notice that it's pretty empty. No framed degrees of colleges or awards, No bookcases with all those Psychology books. Definitely not like the offices in the movies I've seen.

"Why is there's nothing hanging on the wall. No degrees of all the colleges you went to, no awards or best-selling books you wrote."

"I don't think what college I went to is important and I never wrote a book. I'm here for you to have someone to talk to."

As she says that I think about telling that I'm a slayer and all about vampires and demons, then maybe they'll think I'm insane and send me to a mental hospital. If the rooms are padded, I'm sure their more comfortable and plus I get the room to myself.

I never really like talking about my feelings. I never really did that with anyone, and so I don't know how she thinks she can get anything out of me.

"So why did you decide to analyze murders?' I asked her

"Were not here to talk about me" she replies

So I go back to staring at the wall, counting the cracks. I hear her pen scratching against her notebook. I try to ignore her. The when I finally look back over, she is staring at me, trying to read my body language or something. I don't like that. I decide not to say anything more.

Finally there is loud knock, my hours up. She gets up and opens the door and I walk to the guards with my wrists held out so they can put on the handcuffs. As I'm walking out the door I turn my head slightly to look at her. She stands there with her hands hanging loosely in front of her. So I turn around and walk out.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Faith or any of the other Buffy and Angel characters mentioned in my story. Joss does.

The Slightest Things

"Sometimes the slightest things change the direction of our lives, the merest breathe of a circumstance, a random movement that connects, like a meteorite striking the earth. Lives have swiveled and changed direction on the strength of a chance remark" The Power of One

Chapter 2

So it's 10:00, time to go sit blue room for an hour. Were at the door again, there she is, her blonde hair loose around her shoulders. She wasn't wearing her glasses either, those intense blue eyes looking at me, for a second she reminded me of Buffy… She's too tall though I mean Buffy's shorter then me. I don't want to think about Buffy, she hates me and who can blame her. She saved me when the Watcher's council guys tried to shoot me, so maybe she doesn't hate me enough for me to die. So I guess that should count for something. Then I notice that I'm still standing in the hallway and the Doc. and the guards are staring at me.

She opens the door and I walk in and sit on the couch determined to make myself comfortable. She follows me and sits down on the other couch.

So here we are just like last week. It must be casual day, cause she's wearing jeans and a long sleeve beige shirt; don't really know the dress code of shrinks though. Here I'm wearing this blue jacket and pants suit thing that I wear every day.

I stare out the window, the sun's shining through, and I can feel the heat from it. The window's still got the bars on it, so I guess they don't trust us enough not to jump through it.

"So have you heard any stories about me?" I ask

"What to you mean" she says

"Oh you know, the stories the cops were saying about me"

"Is there a story I should know about"?

"No"

I know she's heard the rumors; everyone has that's why some of the prisoners wanted to see if they were true. They're always trying to throw down with me. I'm the freak with supernatural powers.

" I can tell you about my life, but I'll have to leave something's out"

"Why" she asks

"Cause you won't believe me"

"What makes you think that"?

"You just won't, not many people do"

"You'll never know unless you tell me"

"Maybe later" I say

She just nods her head. I know she wants to know, I can see it in her eyes, but I figure why ruin the surprise so early, I'm gonna be here for a while. Maybe I'll tell her when I'm like 30…. God I can't even imagine that I'll be alive that long.

It's really quiet in here. I'm not used to it. Everywhere else it's so noisy. Everyone's always yelling at each other through their cells. Yolli my cellmate is always screaming and trying to pick a fight with someone. The girl never shuts up, if this is what she's like when she's not on drugs, I don't want to see her when she is.

"You know what I miss" I say

"What"

"Rain"

"Why?"

" Cause I don't get to see it that often, I mean I never really cared for it much, but you miss the strangest things when you're locked up"

"What do you miss about it?"

"I guess I miss thunderstorms more then just rain, I miss lightening, the crackle and the smell of it, the glow that it leaves behind"

"What else do you miss?"

"I miss the snow too, it doesn't snow here"

"Not too often"

"I don't miss those bitter cold days, that pierce your lungs, but when it snow's it's always warmer. Everything is covered with this blanket. It's one of those things I miss about Boston."

"Were you born in Boston"

"Yes"

See now I know, I'm talking too much. I don't even know why, I guess I'm lonely. I always thought of myself as a loner, I never needed anyone. But now I now that I'm here, even though it's full of people, I'm still alone. The only person I could talk to was Angel, cause he understood. But he's out saving the world, being a hero, like I should've been.

She's staring at me again, trying to figure me out. I know she wants to know what I am, just like everyone else.

The knock, I'm done…. at least for today.


	3. Chapter 3

Same Disclaimer.

The Slightest Things

"Sometimes the slightest things change the direction of our lives, the merest breathe of a circumstance, a random movement that connects, like a meteorite striking the earth. Lives have swiveled and changed direction on the strength of a chance remark" The Power of One

Chapter 3

I'm walking down the hallway, with my guards. I start to think about how easy it would be to just beat them up and escape from here. But then I realize I have nowhere to go. I can't go to Angel's cause I'll just mess up everything he has going, and I'm sure Wes would freak out. If I get out, I'll just be running for the rest of my life. I'm tired of running.

She opens the door and I enter and go to my usual spot on the couch, maybe I should lay down this time, like the people do in the movies. But then I'd feel weird, with her staring at me all time.

She was sitting with her legs crossed with her notebook on her lap a splash of her honey-blonde hair fell in a gentle wave across her face, while the rest was done up in loose ponytail. She was back to business casual and wearing glasses. She still looked too young.

"So what do you think, we should talk about today?"

"It's up to you"

As she says that she brings her hand to her chin and rests her elbow on her notebook and looks at me with those piercing blue eyes.

"How is that you expect to help if you've never been through what I have."

"Do you think that in order for me to help you, I have to have done the same thing you did?"

"A lot of people said they were trying to help me, they said I was sick, like I had a disease… Is killing people a disease?"

"Do you think it is?"

"Your really annoying when you keep doing that"

"I'm just asking you, what you think"

"I don't know"

"You can say anything"

"Am I supposed to confess my sins?"

"If that's what you want to do"

"Are you like those preachers who come in here, and tell us to find God"

"No"

"Good, cause finding God, I've seen things that you couldn't even imagine existed"

"But your not going to tell me, are you?"

"Believe me, you don't want to know,"

I'm sure she's seen and heard some pretty horrible stuff, since being here. But nothing like the stuff I could tell her. I mean who would believe that vampires exist and have been living with us and feeding off of us for centuries. It's better off to be in the dark about stuff like that, cause once you get involved, you can never really go back.

"So how long have you been working here?"

She laughs

"I've been working here for about 4 years"

"So are there other shrinks here besides you?"

"Yes"

"Oh"

"Do you want to tell me what you're thinking about, Faith?"

"See I knew you knew by name, those preachers think that cause I have a religious name, I should follow God. I didn't name myself, a Priest did."

"Really?"

"Yeah at the Base Chapel"

"Base Chapel?"

"My Dad was in the Air Force"

"Oh, so you grew up on an Air Force Base"

"Only until I was eight"

"Why did you leave?"

"I don't want to talk about that anymore"

"Ok that's fine"

She puts her pen down, and gently wipes the hair from her face, then places her hands in her lap. I don't know if I want to talk about past yet. I have problems trusting people, I mean I trusted that Post woman first and then the Mayor. Those were bad choices, but then I found Angel and I know I can trust him. He was going to risk sunlight for me, that's noble, I don't know if I would be ever be willing to die for anyone, except maybe my watcher, it should've been me to die that night not her. She took me in off the streets and tried to make me a better person and I've failed her.

I noticed that a lot of people keep trying to save me, even though I don't think I'm worth it, but somebody wants me alive, or I wouldn't still be here…. I guess I'm finding some enlightenment from my time here and it's only been a month or so, I don't really keep track of time, it's not worth it. I'll be here for awhile.

My time's up, I don't really mind talking to her, I guess it's easier to talk to a stranger about your problems. Well now it's 11, only 2 more hours until I can go out for some air.


	4. Chapter 4

Same Disclaimer.

The Slightest Things

"Sometimes the slightest things change the direction of our lives, the merest breathe of a circumstance, a random movement that connects, like a meteorite striking the earth. Lives have swiveled and changed direction on the strength of a chance remark" The Power of One

Chapter 4

So it's blue room time again. I don't know how much more of this I could take, between this and group therapy. It is easier to talk to her, then in front of all those other prisoners. Even though we supposedly we something in common. This really doesn't make us want to talk to each other about our feelings. They gave me extra guards today, so now I have 6.

She had her hair up again, with just wisps of her blonde hair falling along the side of her face. She was wearing gray today, a skirt suit that fit her body very nicely. I turned around and saw the guards staring at her. As she motioned for me to enter, she smiled and closed the door in their faces.

I smiled too, she's got spunk I like that.

I went to the couch; this is why I like coming to this room. I get to sit in comfort instead of lying on a bed with a mattress as hard as a rock or sitting on plastic chairs.

"How are you today Faith" she asks

"Fine" I say

She never asked me that before, what's with her sudden need to be friendly. It's probably the bruise on my cheek from the fight I got into with this other prisoner Tammy or Tonya don't really remember. She attacked me and I tried not to do anything, that's why she got to hit me. But then I figure that I don't want to get beat up everyday; my mom did enough of that. So I fought back, I didn't use my strength though, I'm proud of myself. I still knocked her out, now they think I'm some black belt martial artist. So hopefully they'll leave me alone now.

She still looking at the bruise that is fading too quickly, but hey, I can't help that.

It didn't hurt at all, but the bruise surprised me too.

"How are you adjusting here"?

"Well waking up at 5:30 every morning, doesn't really bother me, I'm not much for sleeping anyway"

"You don't sleep"

"Not really, I'm used to it, I only need like 2 to 4 hours. I'm an army brat remember."

"So you're on Military time?"

"Something like that"

She places the back of the pen gently on her lips. She's thinking of something, that much I could tell, probably trying to find a way for me to get me talk about the fight. But I was punished for that already, in the isolation cell. Don't see how that's a bad thing, it's just boring.

"And besides I have had enough sleeping to last me a lifetime"

"What do you mean"?

"I was in a coma for eight months"

"Really… why?"

"Read your file, it should be in there, it was just a couple weeks before I came here."

She smiles at me, cause I know she knows about that, more for her curiosity about my rapid recovery. I should tell her I switched bodies with someone, which ought a freak her out. I could see her face as I told her I was running in another person's body, which if I had just left on that plane, I would not be here right now. But that church story on the news made me stay, I don't even know why. I guess there is some of that hero blood still in me. Then B took her body back, she should it was hers.

"The thing that bothers me most is the one hour of fresh air a day. To me that's it's own punishment. I'm not one to sit still, I'm used to running"

"What are you running from?"

"Myself"

Time was up, so I jumped out off the couch and walked quickly to the door, waiting with my wrists out when the guards opened the door. I didn't even look back to see what she was doing. But it's not like I could escape, I'll be here again next week.


	5. Chapter 5

Same Disclaimer:  
  
Author notes: So I changed it to weekly visits, which would be more likely to have happened. Thanks to all that reviewed.  
  
I was in a good mood today. Walking down the hallway with a smile plastered on my face. It was freaking the guards out, which made it all the more fun. When we arrived at her office I walked in and sat down.  
  
Her blonde hair was spilling down around her shoulders. She was wearing a skirt again, showing off her tan legs. You could tell she worked out, cause she looks good.  
  
"How are you today" she says  
  
"I'm good," I say  
  
"I understand you had a visitor yesterday?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Your brother, Angel?"  
  
"Brother" I exclaimed loudly, "Angel told them he was my brother?"  
  
"He's not?"  
  
"Well not in the blood sense"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Angel's, well... I don't know how to explain Angel"  
  
"Is he a close friend?"  
  
"I guess we just understand each other. He's there for me if I need him, so I guess he's like family"  
  
"Ok"  
  
I was surprised when they said I had a visitor, I didn't really expect Angel to visit me at all. I was happy that he did. Hearing him talk about singing Barry Manilow's "Mandy" made me smile and I haven't had a whole lot to smile about in here. I guess knowing that someone still cares enough to ask me how I'm doing means something. I felt her eyes on me because I know I was smiling to myself thinking about Angel's Manilow obsession.  
  
"So do you have any brother or sisters?"  
  
"Yes, I have a sister"  
  
"What's she like?"  
  
"Were not supposed to talk about me here"  
  
"How do you expect me to share things with you, if you don't share things with me"  
  
"Ok, my sister's younger, she lives in Chicago and is a teacher.... Now it's your turn"  
  
"That's something about your sister, not about you"  
  
"It's something about my family life"  
  
"Um ok, I'm an only child, and both my parents are dead."  
  
"Did you like your family?"  
  
"It was ok when my dad was still alive"  
  
"Do you want to talk about what happened?"  
  
"Not really"  
  
She's looking at me with those intense blue eyes staring at me, but like everyone else it feels like she's staring right through me, not at me. I've buried part me of me so deep I don't think I could even see me. Hide the pain never show weakness. That was my motto.  
  
My dad's death was something I tried not to think about, but somehow it always worked it's way into my nightmares. I can still remember that day like it just happened the screaming, the fire, and the chaos.  
  
"You know the food's not so bad here"  
  
"Did you think it would be?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't know you hear stories"  
  
"Not everything you see in movies is true"  
  
"Oh you'd be surprised what is."  
  
I don't feel like talking anymore, so I stare at the wall for the rest of the hour. They say sharing makes you feel better, I guess I felt better when I gave myself up and confessed my crimes against the law, but I've committed a thousand more against the world. Will I ever be able to redeem myself from those, my long list of people I've hurt, I don't think prison can help.  
  
Finally I'm done, my good mood is gone, so I walk slowly towards the door. 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Faith or any of the other Buffy and Angel characters mentioned in my story. Joss does.

Author notes: So I changed it to weekly visits, which would be more likely to have happened. Thanks to all that reviewed.

* * *

The Slightest Things

"Sometimes the slightest things change the direction of our lives, the merest breathe of a circumstance, a random movement that connects, like a meteorite striking the earth. Lives have swiveled and changed direction on the strength of a chance remark" The Power of One

* * *

I'm sitting here with my feet planted on the floor, one elbow resting on my knee biting my nails. My mother always smacked me every time I did that when I was little.

She never seems to mind when I'm quiet, I guess she likes sitting there with her notebook, wearing a jean skirt and pale peach shirt. I never though I'd miss the simple task of being able to change clothes. I grew up barely having anything and I still find so many things I took things for granted.

Every once in awhile I look up and catch her staring at me. I can kind of see why people become shrinks. Trying to figure out what's going on in other people's heads. I kind of wonder what she thinks about me. Does she look at me like any other murder? Or does she think of me differently, because of what she's heard?

"There's too much time to think in here" I say "but I guess that's kind of the point of all"

"Maybe" she says

"Isn't that why I'm here talking to you?"

"Do you think that's why you are here talking to me"

I felt my muscles tense up, always my first reaction when I'm annoyed. It always felt better to just hit and be done with it. My hands are in fists, I close my eyes and try and control my breathing.

I saw her grasp her notebook a little bit tighter when she saw my fists, she shifted in her chair, but still never took her eyes off me. I guess she has to be tough working in a place like this. Thinking like that calmed me down a little so I could talk. "Why can't you just answer my questions, without asking another one" I say as I look her in the eyes.

She was still holding on the notebook tighter then usual. "If I don't ask questions, then no will answer them" she replies.

"That's vague" I answer

"You brought up the question, this time Faith" she says pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "Why do you think you are here talking to me?" she asks finally letting go of the notebook.

I didn't even notice that she was squeezing the hand that held her pen in fist until I saw her lay it down palm up with the pen lying between. I look at the ground then I roll my eyes back up to look at her. "I'm here because I've done bad things and you have to try and find out why" I reply pointing at her. "And make me figure out why, so you can change me into a better person."

She doesn't say anything just looks at me. "Aren't you supposed to say "umm interesting" or something?" I ask

"Umm interesting" she replies

I let out a little laugh. She looks at me uncrosses her legs and puts her pen down. "Part of that is right…but I can't change you Faith"

I sit up and look into her eyes and then look away.

"That is your decision…You have to want too" she says

I rub my hand over face and close my eyes. "Choices…I didn't ask for this" I say quietly

"What?"

"I shouldn't be here" I say looking out the window

"You don't think you belong here?"

"I belong here…I'm just not supposed to be"

"Where are you supposed to be?" she asks

"I'm not who I should be" I reply _who I'm supposed to be_ I say to myself.

"Who should you be?"

_A hero_ I think to myself. I can see her looking at me, almost begging me to answer, her eyes trying to bore into me. Lady you don't want to see into my soul...I'm not sure I want too.

Maybe she'll think I'm crazy now. Cause the mental hospital idea is looking good again, padded walls so I can't hurt anyone any more.

I stand up and walk towards the door thinking again. Violence was always my answer for everything. Preying on the weak, cause I know I'm stronger, which makes it more depressing. Cause what they say is true, I have turned into to my mother after all.

TBC…..


	7. Chapter 7

Same Disclaimer.

The Slightest Things

"Sometimes the slightest things change the direction of our lives, the merest breathe of a circumstance, a random movement that connects, like a meteorite striking the earth. Lives have swiveled and changed direction on the strength of a chance remark" The Power of One

Chapter 7

As I'm sitting across from her, I think about Buffy, I've been thinking a lot about Buffy lately, not only because she looks like Buffy. But I've been having these nightmares; Angel said they may never stop. And that's ok, because I deserve them. I see them like movies playing in my mind, I'm always standing over the people I've killed then I look up and see Buffy standing there. She doesn't say anything.

"Did you always know you were gonna be shrink?"

"No" she replies "When I was little I wanted to be an Astronaut"

I raise my eyebrows at her and smile. "Really"

"Yeah, there was just something, about being able to go up into sky and see something else. There as to be more out there, then just us" she smiles

"I never thought about what I wanted to be when I grew up" I say "I didn't think I'd be alive"

She leans back in her chair as if I was going to say more. But that's all I wanted to say.

I could tell her there is more out there then just us and she doesn't have to go into space to see them. I never told anyone I was the Slayer. When I got to Sunnydale everyone already knew. Buffy told her family, her friends. Maybe that's what kept her sane. She wasn't alone.

"There was nothing you wanted to be, when you grew up?"

"no" I say "I didn't think I'd have a future…and look I was right" I cover my mouth with my hand and laugh.

She looks at me intently with her bright blue eyes underneath her glasses. She uncrosses and crosses her legs. She leans in slightly which makes me lean back and tilts her head. "You said last session that you were supposed to be someone"

"Yeah and I screwed that up…like I do everything"

"According to the police reports you turned yourself in"

"I did"

"Why"

"Because…" I think back to that night, after those men tried to kill me, after Buffy save my life. I jumped off the roof and ran. I was running through a deserted alleyway hearing the police sirens blaring behind me. I kept thinking about things and then I just stopped.

"…I was tired…I was tired of everything" I say looking up at her. "I thought it would be better for her this way"

"For who?"

"Just a girl, whose time was need elsewhere"

She stops writing and looks at me. I could see her tying to figure that out in her head. She looks at me differently then she did in our first session months ago. She didn't believe those stories about me and now she doesn't know. She wants to know my story.

Tbc….


End file.
